He Who Began A Good Work...

I Have No Idea

2012-02-16T23:49:00.000-08:00

Usually when I "blog" I have the entire thing written out in my head. I know exactly which words are going to be typed and how the entire thing will sound. Right now? I have no freaking clue. I'm emotional, in pain, and feeling very musish.

It's been a rough day. I was in a lot of pain. I got a call from another doctor that my blood work came back normal. This is a good thing, but at the same time doesn't explain the severe pain I'm dealing with daily. I can't get any help. No doctors will help. I get so angry. Isn't that their job? To take care of patients, comfort them, and find answers. Apparently not. I feel like I'm at a dead end. Nowhere to go and no answers. I know this sounds completely dramatic, but that's me. Maybe God doesn't want me to go to doctors. I'm at a loss.

One thing I do know is that He has all of the answers. He is my Healer. He is my Father. He is my Comforter. I can lean, cry, and rage and all the while He holds his big arms out and holds me in the greatest hug ever in existence. I love that complete surrounding He does.

I often think of Paul and the thorn in His side. I don't want this pain to control my life and so far it has. I can beat this. I can live a full life despite the pain. If I never get any answers I need to be content with what God has blessed me with. I'm gonna try and push through the pain and walk or maybe even run (GASP!).

Oh how I miss running. It was the greatest escape I've ever known. Just my music, running shoes, and God. The greatest thing ever.

Thanks for listening to all my dramatic ramblings. It felt good to write again. I'll post in the next couple of days about my amazing thing coming up. I can't wait!

Good night.

Contests and Facebook

2012-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone! I have a favor to ask those of you who have Facebook pages. I entered a contest to become the face of Modocat.com. I made it into the final 100 and now I need your help to make into the top 20. The 20 girls with the most votes on their photos move onto the next round. I'm going to post the link here and I would appreciate your vote and sharing the link with others. You have to like the Modocat Facebook page and then like my photo. If you'd like to request me as a friend that'd be great :) Thank you for your support!

Modocat Modeling Contest That is the link. Please remember to like their page, then my photo or your vote won't count. I have the best readers ever, thank you for your votes!!

In My Weakness...

2012-01-26T14:39:00.000-08:00

I just got 100% on my math test and I'm riding high on my mini victory. God is good. The last couple of days pain wise have been so so, but what has changed is that I feel like my attitude while in the midst of the episodes is a lot better. Derek and I had to have a talk this morning though about my "disappearing act". I'm a very internal person and tend to disappear into my head quite easily. Derek is a very social person who thrives on interaction. I tend to forget that not everybody is happy with quiet and solitude the way I am. I have to remember to be more emotionally available. The talk was good though. Marriage requires lots of communication which I'm horrible at, I'm so blessed to be married to someone so patient.

I have some good news, but the details aren't finalized so I'm not going to reveal until I have everything ironed out. I'm pretty excited though. Don't you love the suspense and mystery?

Not much to say in this post, just a mini-update. Here is a great verse that is pretty perfect for my life right now.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."
~ 1 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

I Hate The Pythagorean

2012-01-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm having so much trouble with math and it's driving me crazy! Stupid pythagorean formula. I know I'll eventually get it, but I don't like feeling this inadequate.

I know it's been forever since I blogged and the only excuse I have is that the pain has been completely out of control lately. This is the first good day I've had in forever. It was so wonderful. Me and Ash spent time together and decorated her room and she was so happy. I loved it!

I'm going to go to a general physician and lay it all out. Tell him I'm out of ideas and ask what I should do next. I'm hoping I can get some answers.

I got some great news recently and when I know the definite details I will share with you, but for now just know I'm ridiculously excited!

Have I said lately how wonderfully awesome my husband is? Well he is. He takes care of me, the kids, and all of the household duties. He's going to school now too so his plate is crazy full. But still he doesn't complain. He's gentle and compassionate with me. I praise God everyday for bringing me this wonderful man. I couldn't have done this well searching for a husband on my own. If I'd done it on my own I'd probably be married to a drug runner or wanted fugitive. I'm only half kidding.

Well, hope is everyone is well. It feels good to write again. I have my earphones in with my moody playlist playing. So awesome. Ok, it's almost time for my kids to go to bed so I'll leave you with this:

^"11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." - JEREMIAH 29:11

The Tangibles and The Intangibles

2011-12-22T09:21:00.000-08:00

What is tangible? What does the word mean? Well, dictionary.com defines it as capable of being touched; discernible by the touch; material or substantial. real or actual, rather than imaginary or visionary: the tangible benefits of sunshine. definite; not vague or elusive: no tangible grounds for suspicion. (of an asset) having actual physical existence, as real estate or chattels, and therefore capable of being assigneda value in monetary terms.

So tangible is something that can be touched, something with a "physical existence". Rutherford is tangible. My Mac is tangible. Two things that I love and am thankful for. My pretty white car is tangible. She's such a good car. My Bible is also tangible. I'm sure by now, you are getting the point of the tangibles. I love the tangibles, they're fun and they make my life easier (sometimes).

Now let's see what intangible means. Dictionary.com defines it as not tangible; incapable of being perceived by the sense of touch, as incorporeal or immaterial things; impalpable. not definite or clear to the mind: intangible arguments. (of an asset) existing only in connection with something else, as the goodwill of a business.

Intangible is something we can't touch then. Love. Friendship. Curiosity (I put this because I am curious about everything!). Morals and values. Joy. Again, you're getting the idea of the intangibles.

Now on to the reason for the blog and these definitions and examples. It's Christmastime and there are presents involved. I love presents, I love getting stuff. I think that's a hard thing for us to admit. We fear it makes us seem greedy and materialistic. It can if you take it too far or obsess about it. But I think it's ok to want things. We just can't let it consume us. We often though see the tangibles and want them, but we forget about the intangibles and how important they are.

I'll relate it to football (I know, it always comes back to football). The intangibles are what make a player great, the intangibles separate the good players from the great players. Lets take a biased example. Tom Brady was the 199th pick of the draft. In football that sucks, usually it means you are destined to serve as a backup or the practice team. His rookie year he backed up Drew Bledsoe. His second year in week 2 (I think) he had to come in for Drew Beldsoe who was injured. That year Brady took the team all the way to the Superbowl. Pick 199 who nobody wanted or thought could do it proved everybody wrong. Wanna know why (I know you do)? He had the intangibles. At the combine everybody thought Brady was too skinny or slow or had an average arm. So maybe his mechanics weren't perfect. But the intangibles? He had those in spades. Intelligence, quick thinking on the field, field awareness, pocket presence. Everybody says that's what makes Brady great.

Ok, so I'm done with the football analogy. What I'm getting at is that we should be thankful for the intangibles in our lives. They make us great, they make us who we are. We should desire to have the intangibles more than the tangibles. Don't get me wrong I love my electronics. Rutherford and Ambrosia are beautiful and wonderful, but I would give them up in a heart beat if it meant Derek could be completely healthy again. That is another intangible we take for granted: our health. I've seen and experienced what happens when your health fails you. It sucks to put it bluntly. Love, friendship, joy, laughter, etc... are all intangibles and without them our souls and spirits would slowly die, leaving us with an empty and miserable shell.

I implore you this Christmas season to count your intangibles and thank God for them. If you're having money troubles and aren't getting the tangibles under your tree, try to think of the intangibles you have and smile. If then you still feel you have nothing, always remember God loves you. You have His love forever and that, my readers, is the greatest intangible of all.

Merry Christmas! May God bless you and your family!

You Know, Whatever

2011-12-18T07:39:00.000-08:00

Do you ever suddenly feel angry or irritated? I really hope not because it is a helpless and upsetting feeling. The pills I'm on cause mood swings and all of the sudden I'll find myself angry or irritated with everybody around me. I've been able to recognize it now and I just have to get by myself and pray, read, or write. Sometimes all three. The problem too is once I know I'm angry for no reason I get even angrier! So frustrating. I'm not an angry person at all. Passionate? Yes, but angry? No. This is one of those times and because I don't want to ruin anybody's Sunday I decided to retreat to my room and sit on my messy bed to write it all out.

Remember how I told you I took my finals? Well, I checked my grades for the millionth time and saw my math grade. Before I reveal my math grade I'm going to re-iterate my tendency for perfectionism. Perfect in this case would be an A. This tendency gets so bad sometimes that I actually feel embarrassed to tell people grades and what not that aren't perfect. I know I tried my hardest and I should be proud I even passed my math class with how much I struggled, but anyway. I got a B. I missed getting an A by 15 points. I go through and think of all the areas I could've done more to make up those 15 points. I will struggle with this for awhile, but I'll eventually get over it. Poor Derek has to hear me lament my B. I know he's proud of me though and that makes up for a little bit of my shame.

My sister had surgery on Friday, I'm happy to report she is hungry, but doing well. I wish I could of been there to help, but my prayers from afar will have to suffice.

Well, I should finish getting ready for church. I don't want to hold the show up. Thanks for listening.

On a side note...7 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

One Of My Favorite People Ever!

2011-12-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

My Dad is here. We picked him up from the airport yesterday and I'm so happy. My Dad is an amazing person and I can say he is one of the people I feel closest to. My Dad and I just get each other. Our sense of humor is the same and we bond over our obscene love for all junk food. He'll be here until January 4th and I intend to cherish this time.

I'm on school break until the January 3rd. I took my finals this week and although I haven't gotten my grades back for my classes I can say that I feel really good about them. I'm proud of myself for my math class, as you know I'm terrible with math and it's something that doesn't come easy for me. I worked really hard and I know that I'll at least get a B, but I'm sincerely hoping for an A. I made the Dean's list for my classes last semester. I was so happy that all of my hard paid off.

Last bit of news is Alexander lost a tooth! My baby lost a tooth, it seems so crazy to me. He's growing so fast and while I'm trying to hold on to ever precious second it seems to be passing me by.

I'm so excited for Christmas!! It's my absolute favorite time of year. There is so much joy. I put presents under the tree today and I feel so much joy. I can't wait to see the kids' faces when they see their presents under the tree.

I'm going to sign off now, it's almost time to pick Ander and Ashley up from school. If I don't blog before Christmas I want you all to know how much I wish for you all to have such a blessed Christmas-presents or not. Remember the reason we celebrate this wonderful holiday. Jesus was born so that someday He could go to the cross and save us all.

God bless!

In The State Of Being Appalled

2011-12-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

I love to read the paper. I also hate to read the paper. I love reading the sports page to find what they aren't saying about Tom Brady and the Patriots. I love to read the funnies each day and I love to be informed. I also hate to be informed. The rest of this blog is probably going to be shocking (I'm going to share some stories I read) to some so if you don't want to read on please exit now, I completely understand if you don't want to read the rest.

I read a story about a mother that after a 7 hour standoff shot her two children who were 10 and 12 and then committed suicide. One of her children died on Wednesday and the other one died yesterday. This isn't the first story I've read even recently about mothers turning on their children. I read another story about a man that lives an hour from Butte who admitted, ADMITTED, to molesting four boys. He received 45 years in prison with 29 suspended. That means he received 16 years in prison. 16 years for ADMITTING to molesting 4 boys. It will take a lot longer than 16 years for those 4 boys to get over being violated. What that man deserves is to be killed. This country can't continue to allow these poisonous individuals to exist in society, prison or not. These are just 2 stories I'm sharing with you, honestly I'd rather not share them, but I had to to make my point. What kind of society are we living in that a mother would kill her children? What kind of society are we living in that our justice system gives an admitted child predator 16 years in prison when several studies have found that sexual offenders can't be rehabilitated? I know that God will have His vengeance. I also know that God has these people in His hands. I'm just so appalled that the state of the human race. The wickedness we humans are capable of makes me sick. I look at God and all His glory and love and can't believe that something He created could be capable of such atrocities. I guess that shows how damaging sin is and just how sick it makes people. I pray for these families. I don't pray for the wicked, even though I know I should. That is something I'll have to work out with God because in my heart I want them to suffer horribly. That is a place my heart shouldn't be.

I had to post about this because of how angry I was. Sorry for my rant. Have a great day everyone!

My Soapbox Is Out Of The Closet!

2011-12-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

You all probably know how passionate I am about the things I believe in. If you've met me then you really know. When it comes to the things I love I roar like a lion. I can't help it, it just spills out. I recently read an article that upset me. A sports columnist razzed Tim Tebow for talking about God. Not only did this upset me as a Christian, it upset me as a US citizen. There are certain rights we enjoy in this country, rights that are guaranteed to us by the Constitution. Coming down on somebody for exercising those rights is wrong and that's why I wrote the letter. Here is the letter I sent in to my local paper, they printed it today. I'm very glad they did.

Letter: Sports columnist misses Tebow’s right to free speech

Posted: Thursday, December 1, 2011 12:00 am | (0) Comments

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I am writing this letter in response to the article written by Bill Foley on Nov. 22, the second part of the article titled “Tebow Factor.” I was angered and offended by many of his statements regarding Tebow.

What I’m angered and offended by are Foley’s statements regarding Tim Tebow’s postgame interview on Nov. 18 after the Jets game. In the interview Tebow talked about God. From what I’ve seen Tebow is a pretty upstanding guy. I’m offended as a Christian and as a U.S. citizen by Foley’s attack on Tebow’s postgame interview.

This letter, however, is coming from me as a U.S. citizen who enjoys the rights and freedoms guaranteed to me. The First Amendment states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” These magnificent words are what guarantee Bill Foley can write out his thoughts and opinions each week. For him to attack Tebow for exercising his rights is deplorable.

How is Tebow talking about his Lord and Savior any different than Foley writing his numerous opinions on many different subjects, or an actor broadcasting their political affiliations? I’m curious about something though, if Tebow was Muslim and had praised Allah would Foley have been so critical and quick to judge him? I think the answer to that question is no.

Another statement from the article I want to address is this “with all the famine, violence, death, genocide, and war going on in the world, why would his Lord and Savior take such an interest in the Jets-Broncos game?” (para. 10). Nobody is saying the game-winning drive against the Jets was divine intervention. Tebow is expressing himself. I don’t think God is interested in the football game, but I can guarantee you He is interested in the people playing the game.

One of the many great things about this country is our freedom to choose what we believe and expressing that belief through our freedom of speech. Nobody is asking or forcing Foley to acknowledge or believe in God, what I am asking is that he respects the right to exercise our rights.

I'm Back and I'm Thankful

2011-11-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

I'm not dead I've just been busy and dealing with stuff. I was prescribed a new medication that I started yesterday and I can't believe how good I feel. I haven't felt this good in well I don't know how long.

School is going great. I'm halfway through the session and so far doing well. If you're a regular at my blog then you know how much of a perfectionist I am. If you're not a regular well then you should be. I've also stated many times how much I struggle with math. It's going well, but to reduce stress my goal is to get a B. All of my other classes my goal is an A. I love school, it's so much fun.

I apologize for my silence. I have to admit I haven't even had time to read anybody's posts. I hope you are all doing well and having a wonderful holiday season. It's so fitting that Thanksgiving falls on Thankful Thursdays. I know I haven't done my regular Wednesday or Thursday posts in awhile, but today I am going to compose a list of the things I am thankful for. Instead of just doing ten, I am going to list and list until I can't think of anything else. If I forget anything, I'm blaming it on the pills :)

I'm Thankful...

For Derek. We celebrated our 8 year anniversary 2 days ago. I have the greatest husband ever, God really out did Himself when He brought Derek to me.
For my 3 beautiful, healthy, smart, helpful, and loving children. I couldn't ask for better kids. They make my heart full.
For my Mama. This woman, let me tell you, is so amazing. I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I hadn't been raised by her. Part 2 of this is how thankful I am for her husband Bill. He has made her so happy and he is taking care of her in a way that she deserves. I can't believe the difference I "hear" in her since she got married. So Bill, thank you for loving my mom and sharing your life with her and teaching her some football :)
For my Dad. I wrote a bit ago about how God really saved my Dad when he had his stroke. He is getting healthier. He's coming for a visit in a couple of weeks or so and I'm so excited to spend time with him.
For my sisters. They are such wonderful people and I love them so much. Sarah Diane and Meggie, thank you for your love and friendship.
For my church family. Let me tell you, the people I attend church with are some of the most wonderful, generous, and Christ-like people I have ever met. I count myself blessed to be able to attend a church where I have genuine, loving friends. To my church family, thank you for your prayers, friendship, love, and generous spirits.
For my dog Dubs. It may seem silly, but this dog is so amazing. I'm a huge animal lover and need to have animals around me. It was painful for me when I had to give Oscar and Moses away. Getting Dubs has been a balm to my heart. He's loyal, loving, and such a good dog. God blesses us in so many forms.
For my new iPhone, Rutherford. I love this thing! It's so fun to use and so pretty!
For new medication that allows me to feel great.
For prayers. I don't think we'll ever know how these prayers affect our lives, but I know they do in huge ways.
For my neighbors, Such amazing, helpful people.
For Christmas. My favorite time of year. People dispute whether Jesus was really born this time of year, but I don't think it matters exactly when He was born. What matters is that we are taking the time from all the craziness and thanking Him for...Him. Celebrating the Lord and His entrance to this world is I believe an essential action. Just sitting back and marveling at everything that is Him. Not asking Him for anything, not expecting Him to do anything, just sitting and loving Him.
For my house. This house is too small and has odd colors in various rooms, but it is free and warm and home.
For snow. It's so pretty and fun.
For football. You had to see that coming :) The Pats are doing great. They look awesome. I get a little superstitious (even though I know it's silly) so I'm not going to mention the Big Game, but I'm thinking about it!
For the opportunity to go to school and get a degree in something I love.
That I gained weight. I feel much better now that I'm a little fatter :)
For Christmas movies. I love them! I can't wait to watch Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch, Frosty, Rudolph, and It's A Wonderful Life. I'll cry and laugh and cheer.
That we get to put up our tree tomorrow and decorate. It's gonna look like Christmas threw up in my house!
I don't have to go shopping on "Black Friday". I'm done shopping. Derek is going to buy his present next week (yes you read that right). All we have to do is get stocking stuff.
Finally, I'm thankful that I know how blessed I am. That I get to be thankful for so many things.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May God bless you!

Where's My Gumption?

2011-11-03T21:47:00.000-07:00

I've lost my gumption.

Lately I feel so...pathetic. I figure it's the pain that's doing it, but I don't know how (that's it, just how). I don't know how to not feel pathetic. I don't know how to express my gratitude to Derek for how he takes care of me and the house since I can't do much. I don't know how to say thank you to those praying for me. I don't know how to tell my kids I'm sorry I can't do things with them because of the pain. I don't know how to say sorry to people when I have to cancel because of the pain or the pain meds. I don't know how to accurately describe to people what's going on (not that I want to, that leads to more patheticness). I don't know how to talk to God right now. Sometimes He feels close, but mostly He's silent. He's probably waiting for me to leave my pity party and go talk to Him.

I just feel angry sometimes. I know I have no right to that anger, but that doesn't make it any less real. I've asked, told, cried, screamed, and raged at God. I ask him, why? Why now? Have the last 3 years not been enough? Did I not go through enough when Derek got cancer? Or how about when I was separated from my kids for 2 months, or when I had to give my beloved dogs away? Or the ensuing chaos that resulted from the 3 above mentioned issues?

As I write these sentences I know the issue. The common theme through all of that was I. I has no business in our walks with Christ. In Genesis when God is forming the world He says US and OUR. That plural is God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The Trinity is a perfect bond. A bond we need to mirror in our walk with God.

I guess I need to sit and be quiet. Let Him talk to me. Let Him wash away the anger, sadness, and patheticness. Just Let Him.

It's Late and I'm Up

2011-10-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

So it's pretty late right now, about 11 p.m. my time. I'm up for mostly one reason: back pain.

I went to the neurologist today, I didn't find out much except that they are running more tests. Tests for diseases and such that might explain the chronic pain I've been suffering. I told the doctor the current medication I'm on does nothing for me so he gave me a new prescription. I'm supposed to work up to this dose. 25 mg for the first week, then go to 50 mg for the second week and so on. They're supposed to make you really sleepy. I took one at about 9:30 and another one at 10:30. So far, I don't feel much. I'm still in pain and not sleepy. Not sure what that means. Usually I'm pretty sensitive to medications, so I'm kinda puzzled.

My doctor was really nice. I was pretty worried because I read reviews that basically painted this guy as devil doctor. Pretty glad he wasn't. I had my bodyguard, Derek come with me just in case though :) I'm happy that this doctor seems committed to finding the cause of my pain. It's nice to know your doctor wants to make you better.

I submitted my projects for school yesterday. I had an essay due in English class. It was a position essay. We had to take an issue, explain both sides, pick a side, and then argue for the side we chose. I chose censorship, more specifically banning books in public schools. I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to make the essay long enough, but it ended up being 9 pages w/references. I'm pleased with how it turned out. The project in my Critical Thinking and Problem Solving class was a power point presentation on a leader in our chosen field. This project has been in the works for about a month or so. Since I'm majoring in computer forensics, I chose Steve Jobs. As most of you know, Steve Jobs passed away on October 5th. I'll admit when I heard that I cried. I had kinda gotten to know him. Well, as much as you can get to know someone you are studying. I found over my research what an amazing, hardworking man he was. He started Apple out of his parents' garage in 1976 with a childhood friend. He built it into one of the most profitable companies in the world. Very amazing man. If any of you use Apple products then you know how absolutely superior they are. I feel pretty good about the power point. It's funny, I worried way more about the power point than I did writing my paper. Writing is easy for me, designing a presentation like that is harder. I did my absolute best, that's all I can ask of myself.

I'm worried about my second semester. I'm taking Math which I am horrible at. Like ridiculously awful at it. I'm also taking Science and Nutrition. I think this class is going to be fun. I'm hoping I can get good grades in both.

Well, that's enough of my late night rant. I hope it all made sense despite pills and lack of sleep. God bless!

Marvelous Sunday

2011-10-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days that completely rejuvenate you? That was my Sunday.

I woke up today not expecting much. I was determined to go to church despite any pain I might experience. I took the medicine the doctors prescribed before we went to stave off the pain (the medicine sucks by the way, but it takes the edge off the pain).

Everybody got ready and we went to church. Worship was amazing. I love worship, it totally prepares my heart for the message. Our pastor and his two daughters do the worship and let me tell you they are amazing. I love it. The message was great. It really resonated with me. Afterward I was able to fellowship with friends. One great friend in particular was amazing. I unloaded and he just listened. He was understanding and didn't judge. I unloaded about my anger towards God for all of the stuff Derek and I have gone through. I hate the anger and my attitude, but it just sits there like an unmovable boulder.

Then he said something that blew me away. He went through some stuff and he said he kept asking God why. He realized it's not the why. It's the who. I was like IT IS THE WHO! HE can move the unmovable boulder of anger. HE can comfort me. HE can walk with me in this odd and painful journey. HE WILL take care of me, Derek, and my beautiful children. I instantly felt so much lighter. My heart feels joyful for the first time in a long time. I'm enjoying life and I'm excited about life for the first time in a long time. Before we left our pastor and this good friend of ours prayed over Derek and I. It was wonderful. I felt God in our little circle. He is moving and working. The best thing of all? He loves me, unconditionally.

I love this day. God is so good. I'm also excited for this Friday. We get to go to dinner and fellowship with good friends. Then I get to go to a movie with Natasha and Melissa, it's going to be awesome!! God is drawing me close and I'm loving it.

P.S. A prayer request: I'm seeing a neurologist this Wednesday the 19th. Please just pray the doctor is nice and they can figure out what is going on. Thanks guys. Have a great Monday!

Do You Ever Marvel?

2011-10-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

Do you ever marvel at God's goodness? I have today. Aren't you humbled when He does something wonderful we completely don't deserve? I was today.

I got a text about 1 that my Rutherford had indeed made it into the local store! It was so awesome! I have been playing with him for hours and he is wonderful and so worth the wait. God is so good to me. After being told my phone wouldn't come in until next week, He has him come in today. When He does things like this for me, it makes me in completely awe of Him. God is good!

A Name And Some News

2011-10-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

The pre-order for iPhone 4s's has been the largest pre-order in history or something so the AT&T store here in Butte is only getting one of them...in black. Since I was first on the list I could have taken it, but I really want a white one so I'm waiting. They should be in sometime next week.

Along that same line though, I have picked a name! His name shall be...Rutherford! Gabrielle submitted it and I love it. It was a hard decision between the name Aragon which Natasha submitted and Rutherford. I decided upon Rutherford, it's a little more nerdy and therefore more me :) Thank you for the names!

I will let you all know when Rutherford comes home. I already got a case for him. I'll include a picture, it's adorable! Have a great day everyone!

It's BACK!

2011-10-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

Here is an installment of Wordy Wednesday! Have you missed it? I've missed writing it, so here you are with a dose of vocab words!

I love the word etymology. It's a gorgeous word that is fun to say. The meaning is one I hold very dear.

et·y·mol·o·gy
noun

the derivation of a word
a chronological account of the birth and development of aparticular word or element of a word, often delineating itsspread from one language to another and its evolvingchanges in form and meaning.
the study of historical linguistic change, especially asmanifested in individual words.

A word I hate is deform. It's such a nasty word. You hear it and cringe, any word that brings about that kind of reaction is not a good word.

de·form

verb

to mar the natural form or shape of; put out of shape; disfigure
to make ugly, ungraceful, or displeasing; mar the beautyof; spoil
to change the form of; transform.

2 Days People! 2 Days!

2011-10-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

I will choose the name of my iPhone tomorrow and bring him home on Friday! I'm going to share a video that demonstrates one of the amazing new features on the iPhone 4s. Enjoy!

And The Number Is...

2011-10-11T15:03:00.000-07:00

3 days! I'm sure you know of which I am referring, but I'm so excited! Tomorrow is the last day to submit names. There are some good ones, I'm excited to pick one and name him. He's gonna be so pretty! Have a great day everyone!

I Really Don't Like...

2011-10-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

I really don't like it when the soap falls on your foot in the shower! It hurts so bad! Then when you go to put it back it slips again, Grrr!

I really don't like slow drivers. I don't understand it. I'm not asking you to speed, JUST GO THE SPEED LIMIT!

I really don't like people that don't use their turn signals, that is what your blinker is for. You are supposed to notify the drivers around you that you are going to make a turn. It's not like it's a real chore to turn your blinker on. Not only that, but the blinker makes the best sound ever! I love it!

I really don't like people who are rude. There is no reason for it at all. Oooh when somebody is rude I'm so tempted to be rude back, but I hold it in.

I really don't like people who cut in line. I mean HELLO! Did you not see me standing here with a cart full of groceries waiting to pay for them?!? They saw me, they are just so unbelievably arrogant. They think the world revolves around them.

I really don't like people that are in a hurry and act like mean little jerks when they are at the store or Starbucks. You should have left earlier so you had time to go to the store or get coffee. Don't take it out on others.

I really don't like people who go hiking in areas that are known for bears and then they get hurt or killed and they blame the bear and kill it. I'm deeply sorry for the families of the victims, but I get so frustrated that bears are being killed because somebody wandered into their home. Think about it- if some stranger is in your backyard. You don't know them, you don't know why they are there. What is your first instinct? To attack! We do it as humans and we aren't ruled by our instincts, but bears are! Grrr...

Ok, so that is a bit of a list. I needed to let some steam off. Thanks for listening to me rant. You are great friends. Thank you :)

And The Days Are Left At...

2011-10-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

4! 4 days until my still nameless iPhone comes home. So far Natasha and Gabrielle are the only ones who have contributed names, good names I might add :) So if anyone else can think of any good names for my iPhone send them my way! Have a great day!

5 Days

2011-10-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

5 days until he comes home! I could totally bore you with all my nerd talk about how beautiful and amazing this phone is going to be, but I won't. Happy Sunday Everyone!

Here he is in all his glory!

Some Big and Happy News

2011-10-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

My Mama is getting married! Very awesome news. That is the news I referred to one of my posts (my prescription drug addled brain is mush). No one deserves this more. I'm so happy for her. She will be moving, which doesn't affect me too much since I'm used to only seeing her a couple times of year. It will however affect my sisters and I'm sad for them.

My mother raised me and my sisters alone. She is probably the strongest person I know. She's amazing. I'm so happy she finally found someone that loves her the way she needs and wants to be loved. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the wedding physically, but I will be there in heart and spirit. I tear up when I think about my mom and all she's done for me. She's taught me so much, she's sacrificed much, and she's loved me much.

So Mom, here is to you. I know God has blessed you and I love you very much. Bill, here is to you. Thank you for loving my Mom and welcome to the family (I apologize in advanced for the craziness).

The Continued Countdown

2011-10-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

6 days until he comes home! I have a few front runners for names. Remember you have until Wednesday at midnight (which is technically Thursday) to submit a name!

The Countdown Begins

2011-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

7 days until my so far nameless iPhone comes home! I can't wait to bring him home!

Want To Name My iPhone?

2011-10-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting the new iPhone 4s that is coming out October 14th. I'm so excited I can't even begin to describe it.

So I have this weird habit of naming my electronics. My Mac's name is Ambrosia and she's so pretty and works so hard. My current iPhone's name is Apollo, he's wonderful and handsome and has served me well. I guess that's it. So I guess I really only name my Apple products.

I need a new name for the 4s I'm getting. I'm going to give YOU the opportunity to name it. The only criteria is that it's a male name. There aren't any prizes except knowing that every time I look at my iPhone I will think of you. Post your "entry" (can I call it that if there aren't any prizes involved?) in the comment section of this post. The contest is up next Wednesday (the 10th) at midnight. I will choose the winner on Thursday. Happy naming everybody!

Thankful Thursdays and A Sorry

2011-10-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

So first of all I'm sorry I've neglected my serial blog posts. I can really only blame it on pain, laziness, and school. I haven't felt very thankful lately which is why I'm going to post this list. Happy Reading!

I'm Thankful...

That I'm doing well in school.
For my Brady Patriots jersey, it's aaamazing! (I sang that)
For my pillow, I love it so much.
For my darling husband Derek. There aren't words to describe how thankful I am.
For the rainy conditions, it would only be better if it were snow.
That my Dad is officially coming to visit at Christmas!
For my dog Dubs.
For great friends at church and their prayers.
For toes socks, oh how I love them.
For the new Butterfinger candy bars. Looove them! (Sang that too)

46 Fun Things About Me

2011-10-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

I found this list over at Gabrielle's blog and thought I'd answer them.

46 Fun Things About Me...

High heels or boots? This is a hard one, but I'd have to say boots. I'm completely addicted.
What time did you get up this morning? 6:50 I need a nap.
What was the last movie you saw at the theater? Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Thanks Natasha and Melissa!
What is your favorite T.V. Show? Right now it's New Girl and The X Factor. I love these shows!
What do you usually have for breakfast? A protein shake.
What food do you dislike? Ketchup, tomatoes, and applesauce.
What is your favorite CD at the moment? I don't listen to CDs.
What characteristic do you despise? Rudeness. There is no excuse for it.
Favorite clothing? Summer dresses. Hoodie Sweatshirts. My Patriots Jersey is my absolute favorite item right now!
Anywhere in the world on vacation? Israel, Greece, Rome. Those are my top 3.
Are you an organized person? Not at all, but I know where everything is.
Where would you retire to? In Foxborough, Massachusetts.
What was your most recent memorable birthday? Eh, I can't think of any.
What are you going to do when you finish this? I'm going to work on my course project for my Critical Thinking class.
Furthest place you have ever been to? Israel.
Person you wish you could meet? Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Bill Belichick.
When is your birthday? In May.
Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning.
What is your shoe size? 7.
Do you own any animals? Yes, a Malamute named Dubs.
Any news you'd like to share? I have A's in both my classes right now.
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A model and a doctor.
What is your favorite flower? Daffodil.
What day on the calendar are you looking forward to? Christmas!
If you were a crayon, what would you be? Red.
How is the weather right now? Cloudy, please snow!
Last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister, Meggie Mag Pie.
Favorite drink? Coffee or Pepsi.
Favorite Restaurant? Red Lobster.
Hair color? Brown.
What was your favorite toy as a child? My Ninja Turtle action figures complete with the sewer and news van.
Spring, summer, fall, or winter? Fall and Winter, football and ski season!
Chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla.
Wish you were still young? Sometimes, but I like the perks that come with being an adult.
Do you want to get married? I already am and I love it!
When was the last time you cried? Yesterday :(
What is under you bed? Lots of crap!
What did you do last night? The Indy Bucs game and some recorded Jeopardys.
What are you afraid of? Large crowds and flies.
Salty or sweet? Definitely sweet.
Best quality you have? I don't like myself, but probably how giving I am.
How many years at your current job? 6 years and 3 months.
Favorite day of the week? Friday.
Favorite movie? Ever After, Pride and Prejudice, The Burbs, Footloose, The Holiday, Never Been Kissed. Ok I could go on all day.
Have you ever had a crush on anyone? Yes.
Do you like finding all this stuff out about your friends? Yes, Yes I do.

So there you are! Some stuff you didn't know about me!

Results and Something Scary

2011-09-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is all my scans are normal. My spine, spinal cord, and vertebrae all look good. There isn't anything life threatening like tumors or something. Bad news is that they still don't know what's going on. My doctor is referring me to a neurologist, he think it may be something like that. So we will see!

I was gonna post about the news I mentioned in my last post, but I'm going to delay that as I have a scary thing to share.

Last night I called my dad, who lives in Washington, to share my test results. He didn't answer so I hung up. About 15 minutes later he called me back. He was having trouble speaking, he kept repeating himself, and he told me he hadn't been feeling good all day. I asked him a couple of questions thinking he might have taken too many pain pills or muscle relaxers (he suffers from some stuff that he has to take regular pain meds and stuff like that). He had taken a little more than he should, but my gut (the Holy Spirit) was telling me I should call someone. My step mom was still at work and their roommate is confined to a wheelchair. My Dad told me he was scared and that's when I knew I needed to call someone. I told him I'd call him back and immediately looked up the hospital where he lives. The nurse advised me to call 911. I couldn't call 911 because it would have routed me to dispatchers in Montana. I called the police department in Gig Harbor and told the lady the situation. She connected me to medics who asked me a bunch of questions. I had the answers thankfully, good thing I like shows about medical stuff. I gave them my dad's address and they went over. I called my step mom and told her what was going on, the conversation didn't go well and I'm going to leave at that since I don't get along with her. I called my sister Meg and told her and we worried together. At first they thought my dad had just taken too many muscle relaxers, they took him to the hospital and did some tests. Come to find out he had a mini-stroke! They're doing an MRI today that hopefully will tell them more about what is going on.

God is so good. Who knows what would have happened had I not called my dad or called to have medics sent over. God was watching over my dad last night and I'm so thankful to Him. It was so scary though and to be so far away just...sucked. I'm glad that while I couldn't be there with my Dad that God was.

Sorry For The Radio Silence

2011-09-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hello There!...(is there an echo in here?)

I wouldn't blame you if there were. I haven't posted in awhile and I've missed Wordy Wednesday and Thankful Thursday. I know you all know what I'm going through, I thank you for your prayers. I'm also super busy with school and the kids. School is going great, I love it. We're starting our projects now so I'm having to do lots of research. I have my appointment tomorrow to go over my MRI results and my renal ultrasound. I'll let you all know what I find out. I have some very big news that is going to go into a post all it's own. It's not my news, but it's great and share worthy all the same. I have a stupid appointment I'm mad about today. Not sure why I'm mad except that I think I'm being selfish. I'm going to suck it up and go, but I'm kinda cranky. So adieu until tomorrow my blog friends!

I Hate The Why

2011-09-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder why? Why God has you going through what you're going through? Why He's silent when you need Him? Why in the midst of all of it you feel crushed by the weight of your tears? Why don't you have more money? Why I've been in one endless trial since birth? Why can't He just take me to Heaven?

I have the questions, but no real answers. I'm sure it's a learning lesson. I'm sure it's to bring me closer to Him. I'm sure it's to strengthen my faith and trust. What I'm not sure of is whether I can do it. I know you're thinking or saying "we can't, that's why we need God". I know that already, but when He feels light years away and you're sitting in the dark with only cold silence and tears, you are pretty unsure of yourself and everything around you. Nobody panic (cough Derek cough). I just feel so lost. So angry. So sad. So much in pain. So alone. Just so.

I'm trying God, I promise I am. I need you now. I need to feel you. Pierce the darkness with your light, I beg you Lord. Let me bask in Your light and Your warmth. Let me know in my heart what I know in my head. I love you Lord. Amen.

You Say Awkward I Say Funny

2011-09-17T15:56:00.000-07:00

So last night I went to Perkins for some dessert and girl time. I met Natasha and Melissa, two very lovely women whom I adore. You regulars out there may or may not have realized yet how weird of a sense of humor I have. If not then I am about to out myself! I saw the funniest shirt on the Internet. I shared it with Natasha and Melissa and they just stared at me. Obviously not thinking it was as funny, which is OK. I need friends that aren't as weird as I am. Natasha just said awkward (sing song voice). Here is the picture of the shirt that I think is hilarious, but you might just think it's awkward :)

My Doctor's Appointment and My Meltdown

2011-09-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

I had my doctor's appointment and as of right now I have no news to report. They referred me to a specialist that I will se on Monday. I guess I do have some news, but you'll need some backstory first. So here goes...

In 2008 I went to a chiropractor for back pain. He took x-rays and diagnosed me with Scoliosis. For those of you who don't know what Scoliosis is it is when your spine is curved and usually rotated as well. Shortly after that Derek was diagnosed with cancer and we had to start the whole treatment process. I just dealt with the back pain because frankly there were more pressing matters. It's been since this year started that I noticed the back pain start to worsen.

The pain gets to the point where I can't move. My ribs hurt so bad it's hard to breathe and people can't touch me. Sometimes I sit in tears while the pain takes over. I just got insurance so we knew it was time to find out what was going on.

All this time we thought it was the scoliosis that was causing my back pain. At the doctor's office they took x-rays and he told me my scoliosis was mild and shouldn't be causing me pain. I was speechless at first. How could the last doctor I saw make it sound like I had 2 big curves and a rotated spine?!? I got frustrated and I felt so defeated. I'm back to square one now.

I'll try and explain this and I hope you get it. I've been to the doctor before for issues where they've told me after I've had tons of tests that they can't find anything wrong. I end up leaving frustrated and feeling like perhaps I have some mental condition that makes me feel like I have medical problems when perhaps I don't. I'm so scared that is going to happen. You want a diagnosis to verify that you aren't exaggerating or faking it. You want someone (who is a doctor) to believe you. That's where I am now. After the doctor left the room I just broke down, I started sobbing. Good thing Derek was there (who is so amazing), I wouldn't have gotten through today without him. I quelled the tears until we got to the car and then I really let loose. I cried all the frustration, pain, weakness, fatigue, and sadness out.

The good thing that came out of this appointment was the anti-inflammatory he prescribed. I took it and was able to catch up on sleep I've been missing the last couple of weeks. I'm feeling pretty good right now, better than I have in a month I would say. So now I'm waiting and praying for Monday. Praying they can give me a diagnosis, but that it's not a serious one. Praying I can mentally, emotionally, and spiritually stand up under the crushing weight I feel.

So there it is for you.

"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-09-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

For coffee
For Halloween marshmallow peeps!
For health insurance
For cuddly bears
That my Patriots tore it up against the Dolphins
That Derek and I get to go on a date this Saturday, it's been forever
That I get to go to dessert with some great friends tomorrow
For prayers
For my wonderful, understanding, and helpful husband
That is college is going awesome

Wordy Wednesdays!

2011-09-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

I love the word Poignant. It's fun to say and the meaning is pretty neat.

poign·ant
[poin-yuhnt, poi-nuhnt]
adjective
1. keenly distressing to the emotions
2. keen or strong in mental appeal
3. affecting or moving the emotions
4. pungent to the smell ----------------> Kind of a weird one

A word I hate is Pain. You can probably guess why I hate this one. I am going to blog about my "issue" soon. Probably not until Friday though, I have a doctor appointment with a specialist. I'm hoping to get this thing figured out. Please be praying!

pain
[peyn]
noun
1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.
2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body
3. mental or emotional suffering or torment
4. pains,
a. laborious or careful efforts; assiduous care
b. the suffering of childbirth
5. informal an annoying or troublesome person or thing

God and A Little Bit Of Time

2011-09-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Today is two years since my grandma died. I didn't cry today. But I did smile. She was such a precious person. God has helped me a lot getting over her death, well once I let Him help me anyway. Time is also a great healer of grief. Some days I cry when I think of her, but mostly I just smile when I think of her now and days.

So Grandma Kay, if God has given you a window from Heaven. Know that we miss you. Know that you touched every aspect of our lives while you were alive. I hope you're proud of me. My life was richer having known you. You taught me things and showed me things. So thank you for being you and loving me.

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-09-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

Before I begin with Thankful Thursdays! Let me apologize for missing Wordy Wednesday. My pain hasn't gotten any better, but I feel it's imperative to list what I'm thankful for especially when I feel the way I do.

I'm Thankful...

I got a 95 on my first college paper
I have a wonderful husband that helps tons
That God gets me through the pain, that He's here with me while I feel it. I know He feels it too.
My kids love school
For prayers from a wonderful church family
For my sister Sarah, I love her
That God answers prayers so miraculously (Mom this is for you)
For my dog, he likes to follow me around the house which blesses my heart
For cold pillow cases
That mellow creme pumpkins are now in stores!

Apology and Patience

2011-09-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

I apologize for being behind on my blogging. I have been dealing with some health issues and I have been super busy with school and my children starting school. I may or may not post Wordy Wednesday tomorrow. I'll see how I'm feeling. What I ask for are your prayers and some patience. I will probably at some point blog about the pain I have, but it's a sensitive subject for me which is why I haven't yet. You are amazing blog readers and I thank you for your prayers and your awesomeness! God bless you all!

Who Turned Off The Lights?!?

2011-09-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

I was driving home this morning after dropping the kids off at school and getting some coffee and all of a sudden I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. It was like someone turned off all of the lights plunging me into darkness. I hate this feeling. It doesn't happen a lot, but it does sometimes.

When I feel this way I have to make the conscious decision not to stay there. I have to reach out to God and crawl out of that pit of despair. The problem is the flesh wants to reside there. It's a place where sin breeds and abounds. It's place without God. I don't want to be anywhere where He isn't present. It's a scary and yucky place.

"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and break their bands in sunder" Psalm 107:14

I'm Just Gonna Get It Out There

2011-09-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you all have dreams. Realistic ones, not so realistic ones, and ones your afraid to divulge. It's the latter I want to talk about.

I've always wanted to be a model. I'm not exactly sure why, but I have. It looked fun and glamorous and the best job ever. It's always been there in the back of my mind. It's been a dream of mine I've been afraid to tell people. I didn't even tell Derek until after we were married (I think). I'm afraid people will think I'm super good looking, or they'll think I'm too ugly to make it. I'm afraid I can't do it. There are a lot of fears built into it.

Last September I dropped my dad off at the airport in Bozeman. We passed a outdoor fair type thing in the park and thought it would be fun for the kids. I stopped by this booth with all of these beautiful photographs. His name is Gerry and he is a wonderful person. He told me I had a great face and could be a model. I told him I'd always wanted to, but never had the opportunity. He said he would do a whole shoot for free and that I should call him and set it up. At first I was thinking creeper, but after talking it over with Derek he said I should go for it. We set it up and Derek came with me. I had so much fun! It was a blast! I had all of these different outfits and we were in such a beautiful place. Ennis, MT and Virginia City, MT are some wonderful places. If you've never you should visit, it's wonderful. Here are some photos from that shoot:

After I got my pictures back I started researching modeling agents. I wanted to get represented, but was terrified of rejection. If I didn't try I couldn't fail. If I didn't try I also couldn't succeed. So I kept on my research. The one agency I found that was consistent was the Coravelli Modeling Agency in Bozeman, MT. I called and set up an appointment. I went in with my CD full of pictures and a lot of nerves and waited to see what she'd say. She is a wonderful wonderful person. She's so full of energy and optimism! I love being around her. I got some great news that day! She said she would sign me and she wanted to do a photo shoot so she could get me on her web site. I had my photo shoot in January and the rest is history. I haven't had a modeling job yet, but I will eventually. For right now I can honestly I say I achieved my dream. Here are some pictures that Denise has taken. She's an amazingly talented photographer.

*photos are property of Gerry Mooney and Denise Coravelli and Coravelli Modeling Agency

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-09-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

School is going well
That my children love Kindergarten
It's cooling down here in Butte, come on snow!
I'm maintaining my weight
I won a contest!! (thanks Gabrielle!)
For my Red Sox hoodie, it's so soft and warm
That my Louisiana Gumbo turned out last night
For football (this is sort of an understatement)
For my dish washer
For my lovely car, Pearl

A New Segment I Like To Call...

2011-08-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

Thankful Thursdays!

Over here at "He Who Began A Good Work" I try to be informative AND inspiring. Every Thursday I'm going to put together a new list of things I'm thankful for. So here goes...

I'm Thankful...

For the sunshine. It's nice and warm here today.
That tomorrow is my 27th birthday.
That my Dad who consistently every year is late with birthday cards called me this morning and exclaimed "Happy Birthday!" Man I love that guy.
For my delightful adorable kids.
That I have relationship with my sister Sarah. We're so tight now that she sends me picture messages of the things that come out of her nose.
For my beautiful computer, Ambrosia. She's so awesome!
That my washer isn't broken after all. (The mini-catastrophe deserves it's own post)
I have a great church family where I feel at home.
I have an amazing, loving husband who puts up with me and all my quirks/annoyances.
My husband is in remission from cancer.

So there is my list for this addition of Thankful Thursdays!

*this was actually posted in May sometime. Not sure why it is being posted as a new one. Sorry about that!

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-08-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

I love the word metaphrast. It's lots of fun to say and the meaning is definitely interesting.

met·a·phrast
[met-uh-frast]
noun
1. a person who translates or changes a literary work from one form to another, as prose into verse.

The word I hate isn't technically a word, but I really really do hate it when people write it. It's the word thanx. I just don't understand how the letter K and S are that much of a hardship that you have to replace them with an X. We can't be that lazy can we?!?

thanx
1. a stupid and lazy way to say thanks!! Don't write it ever again!!

Kinda Short, But Full Of News

2011-08-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

My kids had their open house for kindergarten today. We met their teachers and saw their desks (so cute!). They are super excited to start their first full day tomorrow. I just don't know if I'm ready for them to start. Don't get me wrong I'm excited my babies are moving through new stages in their lives, but it's really scary as a mother to have your kids away from you. Derek and I have essentially controlled every aspect of their lives for the last 5 (Ashley) and 6 (Alexander) years. Now I don't have as much control and that scares the fluids right out of me. I know I need trust God with them, trust that He will keep them safe. He loves them more than I do (which is hard to comprehend). Pray that I'll trust God with my precious little children.

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

I officially started school today. I love learning! It's so great. I have some nerves though. I'm so worried I'll fail. I'm such a perfectionist that if I can't be perfect I don't want to do it all. God is working on my heart with this, but it's hard not to revert. I know I'm going to do fine. The nerves should go away once I establish some habits and get the swing of things. God is working that I know for sure.

Happy Monday Everyone!!

Letter to a Boxer

2011-08-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Floyd Mayweather Jr., (a boxer)

I'm gonna start off by saying that half of me feels sorry for you and the other half despises you and what you represent.

Let's start with the despising part. On 24/7 HBO you asked the camera tell me one athlete that works harder than me. You can't say you work harder than anybody else! You said tell me one athlete that is better than me and is undefeated. I can't think of anyone else that's undefeated, but I can think of two athletes that are better and I'll tell you why they're better. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. Quarterbacks for the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts. Brady has 3 Super bowls and Manning has 1. They are future Hall of Famers and have already beat and set records. You are probably saying some pretty nasty words right now (cause that's what you do) and asking why they are better. Well I'll tell you. They have played the best and beat the best. Can you say that? You'd say yes because you are arrogant, vain, pompous, smug (I'll stop there because I could go on all day). Manny Pacquiao is one of the best fighters in boxing right now and you refused to fight him on the grounds of some stupid blood test. You know that if you fight Manny Pacquiao you'd lose and there'd go the only thing you have to stand on in your career: your "perfect" record. Another thing, you have 6 pending charges against you. You don't care who you hurt or how as long as it benefits you. That's so angering!

Now, I'll state why I feel sorry for you. You're all about the money. Didn't you hear the latest? No? Well I'll let you in on a little secret "money can't buy you happiness". It can buy you all those fancy cars and that big house in Vegas. It can pay to have 50 cent hang around you. It can even buy "Miss Jackson" that gaudy awful ring she's got on. It pays for your entourage. You are able to walk in anywhere and get special treatment. Let me ask you this, if your money were to disappear right now who and what would you be left with? You couldn't afford to maintain your lifestyle so where would you go? You and your father aren't on great terms, so who would take you in? I point all this out to say that the life you are leading is empty and sad. You should box because you absolutely love it. You should box because if you didn't you'd feel like a part of you is missing. You should box "for love of the game".

I'm going to answer one of my own questions. I asked if you lost all of your money who would take you in, the answer to that question is undoubtedly God. You may have heard this before and probably blown it off, but I'm going to tell you anyway. God is ready and waiting for you. Ready to heal your hurts and show you what real love is like. A love that caused Him to sent His Son to die for YOU. Give that some thought, it's a matter of life and death. I pray you realize soon that the life you are building is a actually a trap. You are actively participating in your own demise. I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and at the people around you and decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. If the answer is yes (which I suspect it will be) then at least I've pointed all of this out to you and said what I wanted to say.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Thinks You're An Idiot

Hot Button Issues and An Amazing Story

2011-08-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

There are two issues that when brought up in conversation will undoubtedly set people off. Religion and politics. Everybody has an opinion on these two issues and more often than not people aren't informed enough to argue their side, but they know they disagree with you so they're gonna talk and yell it out until they're satisfied. I decided awhile ago that I wouldn't engage these people for really one reason. I tend to get pretty heated and opinionated and end up embarrassing myself. My mom likes to point out how much I like my soap box.

I say all of this to say I read a story about a Navy SEAL that really got to me. Whether we agree with the war or not the fact is that our troops are over there and we need to support them. I'm not posting this to debate the war so I ask you please not to leave comments debating the war. I'm posting this to showcase heart and loyalty.

Jon Tumilson was one of 30 Americans killed in a helicopter crash. A rocket propelled hand grenade took out the Chinook helicopter he was in. His funeral was in Rockford, Iowa and 1,500 people attended. He was Derek's age. This man, this hero gave his life in service to his country. For that I thank him and his family. I can't even begin to imagine what his family and friends must be going through. I extend my deepest heart felt sympathies to you all.

There was an additional attendant to Tumilson's funeral. His dog Hawkeye. Jon and Hawkeye were so close friends and family often called the dog his "son". A friend walked to the front of the room and Hawkeye followed. When he reached Jon's casket he laid down. The loyalty and heart this dog showed touches me on such a deep level. Hawkeye wasn't thinking of himself on this day (dogs rarely or if ever do), he was acknowledging his own loss. The loss of his protector, owner, and best friend. I think we humans could learn more than a couple of things from Hawkeye.

This picture was taken by Tumilson's cousin Lisa Pembleton

You can find the article where I got this story here

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-08-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

For my new vacuum-it's awesome!
That my back pain has been a lot better lately
School starts on Monday
For the time I got to spend with Derek and the kids on vacation
My photo shoot went well
For grocery stores
That God is so much bigger than my anxiety
It's cloudy today
For kisses and hugs from my kids
I'm loved

What are you thankful for today?

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-08-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

My love word for today is so much fun to say. The word is Exacerbate!

ex·ac·er·bate
[ig-zas-er-beyt, ek-sas-]
verb
1. to increase the severity, bitterness, or violence of(disease, ill feeling, etc.); aggravate
2. to embitter the feelings of (a person); irritate; exasperate

I hate the word collogue for two reasons. I don't like to say it and I don't like the definition. It is also the word of the day on dictionary.com.

col·logue

\kuh-LOHG\

verb

1. to confer secretly

2. to plot mischief; conspire

Oddly Quiet

2011-08-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

So maybe you noticed (maybe you didn't) that I haven't posted in a bit. Derek, me, and the kids went on a mini-vacation for a couple of days. I didn't take my computer (which was weird), but refreshing. We had lots of fun and it was good to get a little bit of a break. I will be posting pictures and posting Wordy Wednesdays! later today. Just wanted to let you all know that I am alive and well and as talkative as ever :)

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-08-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

For my husband's understanding and patience
That it hasn't been unbearably hot this August
For iCarly, I love that show
That we leave for vacation on Sunday
For Kat at Illusions, I'm getting beautified tomorrow!
For Gabrielle's photo that inspired me to write a little
For my Mom, she's an awesome awesome lady. She's gonna get a post all to herself soon
For my iPhone not breaking when I dropped it today
That stupid Wal*Mart wasn't very busy when I went today
For Psalm 139

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-08-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

I dedicate this week's installment of Wordy Wednesday to Gabrielle. She challenged me to find a word I love and hate that rhymed. I'll admit I kinda cheated by going to one of those rhyming web sites. I found a word I loved and then put it in the web site and they gave me words that rhymed. So without further adieu here is Wordy Wednesday!

I love the word actuate! Not only is it fun to say, but I love the meaning.

ac·tu·ate
[ak-choo-eyt]
verb (used with object)
1. to incite or move to action; impel; motivate
2. to put into action; start a process; turn on

I hate the word desecrate! It's a horrible word and just saying it makes me upset.

des·e·crate
[des-i-kreyt]
verb (used with object)
1. to divest of sacred or hallowed character or office
2. to divert from a sacred to a profane use or purpose
3. to treat with sacrilege; profane

My Want To List

2011-08-16T17:03:00.000-07:00

I made a list of things I want to do. I'm nowhere near done, but this is what I have so far. Some of them are unrealistic, but I want to do them so I included them!

My Want To List

I want to…

ü Go to Israel

Go to Rome

Go to Greece

Go to Ireland

See a Patriots game at Gillette Stadium

Get at least one official modeling job

Own a harlequin Great Dane and name him Patriot

Own a yellow or red VW bug w/a sunroof

Own a paint horse and name him Charlie

Go on a missionary trip

Get my college degree

Have a book published

Go into space

Meet Bill Belichick

Go to a game at UW stadium

Go to all the Smithsonian museums

Go to the Louvre

Run a marathon

Go to the NCAA and NFL hall of fame

See a football game at Notre Dame stadium

Pet a Lion

Pet a Bear

Learn to surf

Learn Italian

Learn Hebrew

Learn German

Visit the Sistine Chapel

Freedom & Fulfillment

2011-08-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

Life, at times, is a strange thing. It confounds us. It’s a mystery, a woman leading a man on a merry chase. The man enjoys the chase enough, but what’s driving him is the prize at the end. The thought that he will attain the goal, get the prize. In the man’s case the beautiful woman is something he thinks will satisfy him. Life does this to us. It leads us on many merry chases, chases for fame, fortune, and freedom. Fast cars and pretty houses are things that if we could just grasp even for a fleeting moment will fill us up and leave us…satisfied. Not true though as so many of us know, because behind it all is an ugliness that we’d rather forget exists; the ugliness of our human nature, the drive to get what we want, when we want, and how we want it.

The aforementioned freedom is an elusive thing. It can mean many things to many people. It depends on your position in life. To the inmate it simply means no set schedule, eating when and what you want, and being in a space larger than 8x8x12. To the abused woman it means being free of the daily fear for your life or the life of your children. Being away from the prison her mate has created and that she has felt compelled to remain in. For others who aren’t in as extreme situations it might be freedom from being broke; the prison of pennilessness. It might be freedom from the bondage of pornography, adultery, gluttony, anger, mental illness, depression. Well you get the picture. There are a million things that conflict any one of us at any time and it changes moment to moment. It changes so often it’s hard to keep up with ourselves let alone those we love and care for. When we choose to keep our burdens and troubles to ourselves we get overwhelmed, which is one more thing that we have to deal with. One more thing to keep us from our daily fellowship with God. One more thing that prevents the Holy Spirit from completely filling us up and working in every aspect of our lives.

"Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you" 1 Peter 5:7

Self-centeredness is a terrible thing. It lies to us. Not only does it make us the center of our own worlds, but it makes us believe that we deserve to be there. Everything important slowly fades from view. It’s a gradual thing of course, as most things are that we wish we could change in hindsight. We never realize it’s happening until we are so deep in we look up and can’t see the light above. When we take a breath it is tainted with the truth, the truth that we have allowed ourselves to be consumed. Consumed by this world we were commanded not to love.

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." (1 John 2:15)

As Christians this balance is difficult to achieve. We are in fact in this world. We are here to minister and witness to God’s never ending glory, mercy, and grace. We also have to go to work every day and participate in the mundane trappings of life. I call them trappings because they become a trap.

“¹Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, ²Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1&2)

This race we are running does in fact take patience. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. With the fast food mentality of our society today we expect instant gratification. Not only for the things which we desire, but for the results we desire. We desire instant triumph at the things we venture to try. Our relationship with Christ is obviously the most important. Despite the fact that we don’t have to be good, we try to. We try to succeed at it when we indeed already achieved the ultimate accomplishment. We succeeded the day we decided to accept Jesus Christ as our savior. The day we realized we were beyond redemption without the shedding of His blood that made us victors over sin, this world, and our life. I’ll leave you with this:

“⁵⁵O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? ⁵⁶The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. ⁵⁷But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁵⁸Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:55-58)

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-08-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

My husband is home after being gone for 3 days
I finally got our family vacation planned
For the thunderstorm we had last night
That my boys still snuggle with me
Ashley wants to spend time with me and be like me
For God's goodness
For the comments and support on my blog
For good little surprises
For International Delight's Cinnabon creamer
For great make-up

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-08-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love the word Dirigible! It's so fun to say! Say it a bunch of times in a row and you'll realize why I like it so much.

dir·i·gi·ble
[dir-i-juh-buhl, dih-rij-uh-]
noun
1. an airship.
adjective
2. designed for or capable of being directed, controlled, or steered.

I hate the word Gluttony. It's such a disgusting word, mostly because of what it means. I mean have you ever partaken in gluttony and not been sick or full of regret? I know I haven't.

glut·ton·y
[gluht-n-ee]
noun
1. excessive eating and drinking.

My Creative Process (if you can call it that)

2011-08-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

I get all my good ideas at night, when I'm laying in bed waiting for sleep to claim me. I think it's because that's when my mind shuts down and kind of opens up. I write my post completely in my mind before I sit at my computer to write it. I can't just open up blogger and crank out a post. My mind doesn't work like that, if anything it shuts down when I see the blank space waiting for words. That blank space has a lot of expectation to me. Like it's begging me to fill it with something meaningful and witty. Most of the time I feel like I let the blank space down. My blank space is probably thinking "Seriously Erica?!? I wait here for you to fill me up with something I can be proud of and THIS is what you give me?!? SHEESH!" OK, if blank space could think or talk that's what it would say.

Anyway, last night I had this great post planned, but I was too tired to get up and outline it on paper. So I outlined it in my mind and told myself to remember it. I woke up this morning and can't remember a dang thing! It's really bothering me. I can't remember what it was about, but I'm pretty sure it was awesome.

So blank space, please don't be upset. I had an awesome post planned for you, but sleep robbed me of it. If I catch my thief and get the post back I will certainly bless your space with it. For now you will need to content with my mediocre ramblings.

6 Years and A Month

2011-08-08T15:59:00.000-07:00

Alexander turned 6 on July 11. I meant to do a post then about him, but it was a crazy time.

For right now he is obsessed about Batman and becoming a Fireman. He'll tell you stories about how he had to put out a fire and save one of his firemans. He's such a joy to be around. Very smart for his age. He's sensitive too. He senses my moods and if I'm crying he'll usually break down. He loves God and loves to learn.

My water broke surprisingly on a Sunday afternoon. Derek and I drove to the hospital to find I was already dilated to a 4. He was born the next day at 5:06 p.m. He was 4 weeks early, but healthy. I thought I had plenty of time to buy the essentials so some friends had to bring us a car seat so we could leave the hospital! I sat in the back seat with him in his car seat to "watch" him (like he was going to escape his car seat at a day old).

Him and Ashley are starting kindergarten this fall. He's already said that if anybody messes with his sister that he will "take care" of it. Part of me is said he is no longer a baby or even a toddler. I'm happy though that he loves Jesus and takes praying seriously. I'm excited to see the boy he's becoming. God truly blessed our lives when he gave us Ander.

Alexander in the Hospital

Alexander 1 Month Old

Derek and Alexander (9 mos)

Alexander's 1st Birthday

My Batman

My Fire Captain

Letter to a Loudmouth

2011-08-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Chad Johnson (not ochocinco, Wide Receiver for the Patriots),

I refuse to use ochocinco even if you did legally change your name. What happens when you're career is done and you fade into football obscurity? You'll be somewhere and they'll say "last name please" you'll say "ochocinco" and they're gonna look at you and they're gonna say "we asked for your last name sir not your age." This is what will happen should you screw up in New England.

I have never been a particular fan of yours. Your loud mouth has always put me off. I don't like the show boating (even if you are that good and no one is ever that good). You don't see Tom Brady or Peyton Manning show boating after they throw their 3rd touchdown pass do you? You must be decent if Bill Belichick is willing to take you and lose a draft pick.

I have decided to give you a chance. I'm going to keep an open mind about you. Now don't go thinking we're best friends or anything, but I'm willing not to bad mouth you to every single person I meet. So good luck and don't screw up.

Sincerely,

A Skeptical Almost Maybe Fan

Things I Dislike Immensely

2011-08-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Waiting in line*Waiting at red lights*Slow drivers*Ignorance*Rudeness*Wind*Water chestnuts* Ketchup*Cherry flavored candy*Swiss Cheese*The Jets*The Cowboys*Spongebob*Bigotry* Racism* Mean-spiritedness*Verizon*USC*Oregon (the college not the state)*Hyenas*Temperatures over 80* Crimes against children*Parents who don't cherish their children*Illogicalness*Abortion*When people assume I'll do something without asking*Hot dogs*Bologna*Sausage*When people touch my food*A non-family member invading my personal space or touching me*Squash*Watermelon*Pears*Mushy bananas*People getting famous for doing stupid things*My feet being touched*Being touched by other people's feet (except Derek's)*People drinking out of my milk glass* Domestic violence*Drinking out of containers where I can't see the liquid (pop cans excluded)*Stupidity*Using words out of context*Lazy grammar*The word pic*Crunchy cookies*Money sharks*People who abuse their power*Large crowds* The Raiders*WSU*Michigan (the college not the state)*Yankees*LSU*San Diego Chargers* Going to Wal Mart*Lasagna*Tomatoes*Chicken & Dumplings*Light bulbs burning out*Pills getting stuck in your throat*Bad hygiene*The expansion of the Pac 10*Pete Carroll*Kites*Good movies with bad endings* Peas*Dell computers*Being judged*Judging others*Clutter (even though I'm the Queen of Planet Clutter) *When my cell phone battery dies*Thieves*Drug dealers*Instant gratification*When the new car smell goes away*Being an outsider*Not being liked*Gossip*Feeling inferior*Back and rib pain*

I reserve the right to add to this at any time. If you have some you want to add go ahead send them over, light-hearted or not I want to hear them all!

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-08-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

I have such a wonderful husband who got all of the laundry done
That my kids will still snuggle with me
We're going to have an NFL season
For reaching my goal (more on this in another post)
It hasn't been too hot
My Mom is going to come visit at Christmas when I'm on break
For my admissions advisor, Sarah, she's amazing
For having coffee with a dear friend yesterday, she never fails to help
For potluck tomorrow, I'm using my church friends as recipe guinea pigs
For God's unfailing love. It humbles me in it's strength and constancy.

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-08-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

This week's word I love is courtesy of my Mom. It is Platypus.

platypus

[plat-i-puhs, -poos]

noun, plural -pus·es, -pi

1. a small, aquatic, egg-laying monotreme, Ornithorhynchusanatinus, of Australia and Tasmania, having webbed feet, a tail like that of a beaver, a sensitive bill resembling that of a duck, and in adult males, venom-injecting spurs on the ankles of the hind limbs used primarily for fighting with other males during the breeding season.

The word I hate is Invariably. People never use it right and it just sounds so stupid! There is a person I dislike quite a bit who uses it CONSTANTLY! Like it makes him sound smart or something. Invariably it makes sound like an idiot!!

invariably

invariable

[in-vair-ee-uh-buhl]

1. not variable; not changing or capable of being changed; static or constant.

2. something that is invariable; a constant.

*If you press on the speaker you'll notice the pronunciation is for invariable. I'm thinking it's because invariably isn't a real word, but dictionary.com did have a entry for it. Stupid, stupid word!!

My Struggles In Perspective

2011-08-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

I'm going to warn you now this post is going to contain a disturbing news article I read. I couldn't stop thinking about these people. If you don't want to read then go ahead and exit now.

On Saturday I kind of freaked out. I'm feeling very stressed lately. I think it's mostly because of the changes that are coming up. I'm starting school which is scary in and of itself, but Alexander and Ashley are starting kindergarten and Griz is starting pre-school. Derek's job is so-so and my house is dirtier than I'd like. I feel like things are changing so fast and I can't keep up. I was talking to Derek Saturday night about how scared I am to "settle in" here. Here being this house, Butte, our church etc. It seems that every time I do God whisks us away somewhere else. I have, it's a shame to admit this, put God on the back burner so to speak. I still pray and read, but I'm holding back from Him because of how scared I am. Scared of someone else in my family getting sick or dying, moving, losing my dog etc. I read a great post from a blog friend over at hishealinggrace (just click). She was talking about her marriage and the pains that come with it. Then she said that only 10% of her marriage is like that. She went on to explain the other 90% and how wonderful her husband is. It was so awesome! I'm letting worry and fear dictate my life right now. I'm wasting precious moments with my Lord and my family because something might happen. Not cool, not cool at all.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
~2 Timothy 1:7

This news article I read really put the things I struggle with in perspective. I think it's important to know what goes on outside of this bubble we call the USA. Ahmedhashim Mawlid Abdi is a Somalian refugee. He is a 40 year old father of seven who had to leave Somalia because of famine and violence. On his way to the world's largest refugee camp in Dadaab, Kenya he had to watch while militants raped his pregnant wife and before he could get to safety his 7 year old died of hunger, disease, and exhaustion. This story affected me so profoundly. This man and his family have been through so much and it's not over. They left their home, they have no food, and their lives are in danger daily.

My thoughts after my mini-meltdown when I remembered this man and his family were: At least I can go to school. At least I have a home. If I'm out of food I drive to the store and buy some more. If my kids are sick I take them to the doctor. My water is clean. I don't worry about militants raping or attacking when I leave my house. Instead of looking at the negative in my life I choose to look at the 90% that is positive. I choose to look at God's blessings instead of what I perceive as the lack of blessings.

Please pray for this family and all the family's affected by the famine and violence in Somalia. Please pray for the refugee camp in Dadaab, Kenya.

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-07-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

For the 7 day return policy at Game Stop
For my Mom's awesomeness
That we're having dinner at some good friends' house tomorrow
For cows so I can eat steak
That I don' have any birthdays to organize in August
For Town Talk cake
For Netflix
That I have cuddly children
I figured out my kitchen theme
For prayer and how big it is

A Little Football News

2011-07-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

So Hasselbeck is a Tennessee Titan now. I'm glad because he was floundering in Seattle. I hate Pete Carroll. We'll see if the Seahawks give Charlie Whitehurst a chance. They should, he's a decent quarterback and young enough that given a chance he could take the Seahawks good places.

Donovan McNabb is a Viking now. I'm glad because now I can resume hating the Vikings just like I do Donovan McNabb. Overrated and loud mouthed that's what he is!

The Jets are looking to possibly sign Randy Moss. Not good. Not good at all. I hate the Jets and I love Randy Moss. He used to play for the Patriots and he is awesome.

Kyle Orton could be making a deal to go from the Denver Broncos to the Miami Dolphins. I don't really care too much about where he goes as long as he shaves off his awful mustache. Him leaving Denver gives Tim Tebow a chance. I love this kids. He's a Christian with great values and the kids can throw and run like nobody's business.

I love this stuff! So exciting!

Wordy Wednesdays!

2011-07-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

I absolutely adore the word Onomatopoeia. The meaning is awesome and it's super fun to say!

on·o·mat·o·poe·ia
[on-uh-mat-uh-pee-uh, ‐mah-tuh‐]

-noun

the formation of a word, as cuckoo or boom, by imitation of a sound made by or associated with it's referent
a word so formed
Rhetoric. the use of imitative and naturally suggestive words for rhetorical effect.

I hate the word Lumpy. Just saying it is gross. Have you ever had anything where it was good that it was lumpy? A mattress? NO. Food? NO. People? NO. You get the idea so I'll stop there.

lump·y

[luhm-pee]

-adjective

full of lumps: lumpy gravy.
covered with lumps, as a surface.
heavy or clumsy, as in movement or style; crude: a lumpy gait; a lumpy narrative.

Locked Out No More!

2011-07-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you heard (or care), but the NFL lockout has ended! The players unanimously voted in the new CBA. Which means regular league business can resume this week. Drafted players, free agents, and undrafted free agents all need to signed. I won't bore you with all the details because this is a subject I go talk about all day long. Just ask Derek or anybody else I come in contact with.

The Pats' first regular season game is September 12 against the Miami Dolphins in Miami. It's on ESPN and you can bet I'll be watching.

My fall and winter has purpose again! So you can probably bet I'll be blogging a lot more about football, I'm kinda sorry if it bores you. If you haven't already seen my crazy football season is when it comes out to play.

It's Monday {SIGH}

2011-07-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

This post isn't really about anything, but I feel the need to write. Not only is this blog for your entertainment value (be honest, how hard did you laugh?), but it's the way I get things out of my head. This is my way of dealing with things in a sense. Derek will be the first to tell you I am a horrible verbal communicator. I write OK and can express myself much better that way. I try to talk it out and I get jumbled and frustrated and eventually I'll walk away, which really frustrates those I'm trying to converse with. Today's post is about stuff I'm stressed about.

Derek doesn't feel good. He hasn't felt good since yesterday and I'm worried. In the past if he was sick, it wasn't a big deal. That was before the cancer word. Now every sickness is a worry that perhaps his GVH is getting worse or a different kind of cancer has taken root. Logically I know that God has control of our lives and Derek's body, but emotionally is a different story.

I start school in roughly a month. While I'm very excited I'm also worried. Mostly I fear flunking out or finding out I can't hack it. I know I can and I've prayed about going to school and I know that right now this is God's plan for me, but because it's new and I'm horrible with change I'm petrified.

I have certain people in my life right now who are judging me quite harshly on past actions. Actions I regret, but have been forgiven for. Someday I might post about that part of my life, but I'm not quite ready. Anyway, these people are (to not sound like a 7th grade girl) being mean to me. My feelings are hurt and I'm so angry. I feel at a loss as to what to do with these feelings. I don't want to pray for these people and I don't want to pray about my feelings. I feel I have a right to my feelings. Oh how I hate my flesh.

My kids don't know how to read or tie their shoes! I'm sure all of you out there who are parents can understand the stress that comes with having kids. I tend to forget they aren't mine to begin with, but are on loan from God. That actually just stressed me out more. Their learning and growth falls to me and I'm a terrible teacher! I'm not consistent and I don't know the best way to teach them. School starts in the fall and they are supposed to have a good grasp on these things. Today I feel like a terrible mother.

Those are my big stresses. Verses about worry and giving things to God are floating through my mind right now, but I feel like I can't absorb them. Have you ever seen that Veggie Tales where a little girl or boy lies and the rumor weed starts to grow? With each lie she or he tells it gets bigger and bigger, it eventually gets so big that it is it's own entity. That's what my stress is right now, it's own entity.

Thanks for listening.

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-07-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

That it's been cooler the last couple of days
That my husband goes to work everyday even though I suspect he doesn't want to
That I get to stay home with my kids
For my pillow
For all the people that read and comment on my blog
For God's love and understanding
For my moody playlist
That husband came home safe from boating on Tuesday
That my Mom is going to come visit around Thanksgiving
For the new Lion software I downloaded yesterday, it's very cool

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-07-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the word sesquipedalian! It sounds awesome and the definition is so fitting to how long the word is.

ses·qui·pe·da·li·an

[ses-kwi-pi-dey-lee-uhn, -deyl-yuhn]

1. given to using long words

2. (of a word) containing many syllables

I hate the word moist. It just sounds gross. If you look at the definition, why can't we just say damp. Even though damp is pretty borderline in my book, it beats moist any day.

moist

[moist]

1. moderately or slightly wet; damp

2. (of the eyes) tearful

3. accompanied by or connected with liquid or moisture

Things You May Not Know Part 2

2011-07-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here is another list of things about me, mostly because I don't know what else to post right now and I'm feeling wordy!

I'm a junk food junky
I hate the wind
I stepped on a nail when I was in the 7th grade and a piece of the shoe was lodged in my foot for awhile
I wish I had a British accent
I like to stand on the hot pavement barefoot
I only paint my toenails red
My husband and I sleep with different blankets
I own a pair of purple, red, and highlighter yellow Roos
I'm addicted to Better Cheddars
If I see a loose dog I will stop and take him home to find his owners
I want to be a model
I've never mowed a lawn on account that I'm highly allergic to grass
I threw a water bottle across the room after the Patriots lost the Superbowl (not my proudest moment)
I love to read and tend to ignore anything and everything when I do (not on purpose)
My favorite numbers are 6 and 13

A Song To Share

2011-07-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

I used to have another blog. I called it Beautiful In God's Eyes. After everything that happened with Derek, his cancer, and my subsequent fall from well everything I no longer felt beautiful in God's eyes.

After my last visit to my family in April my Mom and I were talking about God and our relationships with Him and I shared my feelings with her. I think it bothered her more than she let on. She texted me the other day about this song by Mercy Me called Beautiful. She told me it reminded her of me and I should listen to it. I listened to it and cried. It's so true. I know we've all done things we're ashamed of. Sins we wish we could take back with all our heart. This song I think will resonate with you. I'm trying to let myself believe and know that despite my sins and faults God still finds me beautiful. He still sent His Son to die for me.

Enjoy.

Letter to a Linebacker

2011-07-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

Dear James Harrison (linebacker for the Steelers),

I compliment your boldness. Or is it craziness? Regardless, my compliments to you (that will be the only one). While I agree with parts of your attack on Goodell's character, I have to say I don't know how smart it was to insult the guy that has the power to suspend and/or fine you during the next regular season (provided it actually happens).

Shame on you for using an anti-gay slur though. Not only is it insulting to others, it's bad PR for you. But I guess I don't really care about your PR.

It would have been interesting to see you whisper in Goodell's ear had you won the Superbowl. I wonder if that moment would have been caught on camera. It's almost worth me changing who I rooted for in the Superbowl. Almost, but not quite.

I do have to say calling Rodney Harrison and Tedy Bruschi "clowns" was I think inappropriate. I don't know why or the context in which it was said in the article, but I'm thinking they commented on your performance and you didn't like it too much. Truth hurts, huh? I'm not gonna comment on Brian Cushing and how you said he was "juiced out of his mind", mostly because I don't know if he juices. What I do want to know is if you have irrefutable proof that he does?

The most idiotic part of your comments though was attacking your own teammates. It takes an entire team to lose a game. I'm thinking that if the Packers scored 31 points that was the defenses fault. You are on the defense, right? I applaud Mendenhall for providing a link to his stats for last season. Way to discredit the idiotic comment! Now I'm not one of Roethlisberger's biggest fans, but telling him how to do his job and insulting him at the same time seems a little oh I don't know haughty, egotistical, pompous, presumptuous...I could go on all day I suppose so I'll leave the adjectives at those four. I'm waiting to see what Roethlisberger says. I'm hoping it's really good. I guess we'll see how much damage you've done when the article actually comes out in the August issue of Men's Journal. Personally I'm hoping the damage is irreversible, but then again I don't like you. At all.

Kindest Regards,

Erica Anderson

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-07-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

That I passed my math assessment test
That the migraine I woke up with is gone
That it's raining right now, oh how I love the rain
That my husband bought me a card after I took my math assessment test
For Starbucks
For hats
For junk food
For comfy sweatshirts
For purple shoes
That I have 3 beautiful, wonderfully naughty children

Wordy Wednesday!

2011-07-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

I love the word Accost. Mostly just because I love to say it. I've never used definition 3 and don't plan to in the near future, although I may have to look up what a procurer is.

ac·cost
[uh-kawst, uh-kost]

–verb (used with object)

To confront boldly.
To approach, especially with a greeting, question, or remark.
(of prostitutes, procurers, etc.) to solicit for sexual purposes.

I absolutely positively hate the word pic! Because picture is such a long word we need to shorten it! Come on people!

Have a great day!

To Sum Up My Day

2011-07-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

Long. Nervous. Melancholy. Contemplative. Frustrating. Small victory. Loving.

Thankful Thursdays!

2011-07-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm Thankful...

That we don't have June bugs (violent shudder) in Butte
My children all still sleeping
For children's Tylenol
For cereal
I'm saving money on my grocery bill
For pretty pens and pencils (I think I have an addiction problem to stationary supplies)
My back pain has been better
For God's provision in my life
For waffles
That tea helps sore throats

Despair

2011-07-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

What happens when despair threatens to overtake every fiber of our being? When desperation mars our feelings and decisions, it infiltrates and spreads like a disease. It’s the disease of hopelessness.

One of the definitions of disease is listed as:

Any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society.

You can guess how this fits in. Despair, hopelessness, desperation and all feelings like it are a morbid condition for us Christians. They prompt us to make bad and rash decisions. Decisions we wouldn’t have otherwise made if we had prayed, read our Bibles, and spent some quiet non-verbal time with God.

¹⁹but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot, ²⁰who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you. ²¹By Him ye believe in God, who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him glory, that your faith and hope might be in God. (1 Peter 1:19-21)

That our faith and hope might be in God! There is never cause to feel desperate or hopeless if our faith and hope is rooted in our never changing, all powerful, loving God.

It is hard, I must admit, when the circumstances staring us down are grim. That’s when our minds need to immediately focus on God. We need to condition ourselves as Christians to have God be our foremost thought when anything good or bad happens.

How do we condition ourselves? It is like any other conditioning method. If we want to run a marathon we don’t simply enter ourselves and go there on race day with some Gatorade and expect to finish. It takes months and months of hard work and training to prepare for something that big.

In our walk with God, we need to condition and train by being in constant communication with Him. Praying, reading, and meditation are all essential. I find myself thinking I have everything under control. I run ahead of Him only to find I am out of shape and have to stop for a moment to catch my breath. That stop I took cost me precious time, time I could have spent in communion with Him. Instead I end up playing catch up, pouring my remorseful, sinful heart out to Him. It’s a setback that should have never happened. I took my eyes off the prize and had a false sense of confidence that I could do it on my own. We all know what happens when we attempt things on our own. I’ll leave you with this.

²⁴Know ye not that those who run in a race all run, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain it. ²⁵And every man that striveth for mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown, but we an incorruptible.²⁶I therefore so run, but not with uncertainty; I so fight, but not as one that beateth the air. (1 Corinthians 9:24-26)